are my eyes still grey
when they are full of tears?
is my heart still whole
when you walk away?
will my ears still hear
when the music's gone
will I ever yearn
for what was once so near?

someone told you
how we met was meant to be
someone told you i was pretty
and i lost the words to say a thing
someone told you
it made sense
that we were put here for a reason
someone told you
that i'd show you a little light
someone knows me
but I know you
yet she knows that
there's always finer meanings
and lines to read between
she knows that you're to teach me
and that I'm to learn from you

There is no forgiveness in this morning
It's beyond what my cold body
Is willing to compensate for
So piercing is the wet wind
That finds its way into
The tiny cracks of the scarf around my neck
Cooling me from top to bottom
In an overwhelming chill
So I wrap tighter, close the cracks
And think of your face as the sun
And you warm me, to the core
Pulling all that is safe towards me
I smell you in my shawl
And pull it closer to my face
So that it touches, like your palm
Mustering the strength to absorb
Every bit of you out of it
Until every drop has touched my skin
And seeped into my pores
And spread through me like fire
That takes away the cold
Of this unforgiving morning

the sun has set on your time here
but don't worry
i'll see you when the stars come out
they say it's your time to leave
but don't worry
i won't let you leave alone
i know you might be scared now
but don't worry
i'll hold your hand till you feel safe
i know that you can't hear me
but don't worry
i'll speak my thanks outloud
i know that you feel far away
but don't worry
in your heart i'm close to you

l love you Aunt Dot, I'll miss you

inside out
and off balance
left of where it feels right
filling up the days
with empty plates
and leaking eyes, closed tight

i'm fast awake
and falling
loneliness i've made in tow
I have to wash away
what I've made so dark blue and gray
don't know

all i want is anything
and time to get back on my feet
to put my past ahead of me
move on from what it used to mean

i saw those things
i knew once
pictures falling off the paint
sinking hard like stones
they're leaving frames as mindful bones,
remain

holding hands
that fall apart
letting love fall where it lands
hearing words you said
it feels like fate you spoke instead
can't stand

all i want is anything
and time to get back on my feet
to put my past ahead of me
move on from what it used to mean

when you close your eyes
is it dark enough
to see what comes as dreams?
when you believe out loud
do you belong enough
to feel more than it seems
when you stand up straight
are you free enough
to say what says your heart?
when you feel like God
are you alive enough
to accept what falls apart?

i woke up
on the wrong side of the bed
and now i feel strange
like everything
across the midline
of my sheets and dreams
is like crossing
into a world that spins
a different way

there's a moment sometimes
when you can walk outside
and in one unadulterated instance
you can sense Heaven
when the clouds light up
like mirrors reflecting
all things good off of the earth
when the wind both cools and warms
and cradles you in comfort
it seeps into your nostrils
and buries deep in your skin
it whispers melodies in your ear
covers you in a deep feeling of peace
and all burdens once carried
shed off like falling leaves
it is in this moment
before life resumes in chaos
that you truly feel alive

the palm reader

hands speak openly
drawing lines across the life
a finer balance 'tween the fingers
tells of happiness or strife
subtle changes live in creases
their truth within the skin
simple lines that show the future
meanings form where they begin
lengths of fingers mask a power
beyond all one's control
placed firmly in the slight of hand
as a sight into the soul
marking strength or faith or bliss
uniting souls through palmers' kiss

sitting all awkward, but we're calm as can be
it's like after all this time, it's still you and me
your eyes are avoiding, my eyes hold strong
nothing happened, but I still think we're wrong
the silence is griping, but releases its hold
there's nothing to protect my warmth from the cold
so this path i have chosen, I'll walk alone
i hope in my travels, I'll find a home

She saw a movie by herself for the first time on a cloudy, humid afternoon in a plush theatre. The kind of theatre that advertised popcorn with bright red lights and where cellular phones rang catchy tunes despite the clever shorts that sarcastically asked them to please silence them. She snuck a drink in from the restaurant across the street because she didn't want soda. She chose a seat, in the middle of a row. People meandered in slowly after her. One man was even bold enough to take a seat just one away from hers in her otherwise empty row. How odd for someone to encroach so purposefully on someone who is obviously alone, she thought. She tried to act like she wasn't perturbed by his presence and adjusted in her seat. Since when did they start showing common commercials in movie theatres, she wondered? There were more people in the theatre than she thought there would be on a Saturday afternoon. Honestly, she'd hoped to be quite alone on this adventure. She'd woken up alone. She had folded the blankets neatly and left a note thanking her friends for the letting her fall asleep on their couch for the night. Home was the last place she had wanted to be.

he stands alone, takes sips of beer
as the sun, the sun begins to fade
he watches it intently
sees the stones begin to crumble
and wonders if she really meant those words she said
'cause he fails to understand it
he struggles inside to read her
so he silently seeks answers in the waves

to her it all seems normal
water from a bottle
as she picks apart her bread
she watches him in wonder
not knowing what she needs
convinced he's not the one, at least not now
she doesn't know they'll hurt her
down the road, another life
maybe someday she'll realize
it's his face she sees in the waves

there's no such thing as answers
to the questions in his heart
it's never black and white
and he can't break it apart
so he walks alone, and looks down the road
and wonders
if she'd ever change her mind
but he sees her there, and he knows she won't
she won't
have a change of heart

simple waves crash in
and out with a certain grace
of complex nature

tell me, what am I supposed to feel
if thy heart has come and gone?
if the ink in this pen runs dry
and the light inside thee burns out.
what shall become of me, then
when the center in which thy glowing stems,
under flesh and bone,
burns so brightly, no more?
tell me, what then will I feel?
what more will leak out of me?
what else more can be caught,
so delicately, in the palms of open pages?

Haiku

cantankerous men
bicker loudly over lunch
pay, stand up, and leave


two kindred spirits
have lost each other before
but still keep looking

Something tells me it is better
an inkling starting to make sense
appearing just somewhat brighter
green on both sides of the fence
and although the sky turns gray
and clouds do none but block my view
I glimpse now the blue beyond them
a heart sick day is turned anew
Days were once obscure and bleak
a mere shadow of another's life
I followed blind to seek my own
found it end in none but strife
But mine has sung a novel tune
found solace in a new design
I've awakened in an improved soul
and the bliss I feel is mine

let sunshine in
dry up the rain
that washed away
my smile

part the clouds
shed light upon
the darkness in
my soul

warm my skin
engulf the cold
that froze up
my love

bring on life
who once died
and grows again
in me

everything has changed
nothing is the same
pictures falling down
no one else to blame
hiding up inside
this dream i never had
it's hard to be so happy
when all i am is sad
i'm forgetting all their numbers
they haven't come to see
the person for, i'm looking
the one that's really me
one day your eyes will open
someday they'll all agree
this person that i am
is the one they couldn't see

I feel if this was real
it would heal
there'd be nothing to conceal
it wouldn't all be so surreal
Everything that I thought
wouldn't feel so in a knot
I wouldn't feel so damn distraught
if this was real

spinning
shoulders heavy with your words
weighted weakness in the words
they're easier not to read
when i'm spinning

sinking
memory framed inside my picture
picture perfect in my picture
easier not to look at
when i'm sinking

the words aren't saying what I want to say
this isn't how I thought it'd be at all
and tears rock me to sleep at night
and my dreams wake me up
to days that are the day before
it's hard to say what is right and wrong
and to put that in a thought
of how life is supposed to be
i want to be able to write confusion away
and feel a sense of relief
when the words spill out
but there's a dam against me
in more ways than one
and if that day comes
if life is easier than it was
will you still be there?

relief
a revealing
satisfaction
smiling, and tears
happy returns
and fear flees
to hide, again
amongst regret, and woe
I, let it go
the weight
upon my shoulders
like Atlas
giving up