She awoke from a dream about skeletons. As she came to, she toyed with the idea of taking a bath, imagining candles and music and a glass of wine, lying naked in bubble-less water. But she couldn't find a plug for the tub, or bubbles. And so she stood, melting under the hot water of the shower. As much as she fought it, days like these seemed to be waterproof. Water could wash away work and treadmills and tears, but not this. Whatever this was. A cup of tea and some incense would have to suffice, she thought. Her glasses steamed up with every sip as she stared at her phone on the nightstand. There was a reason she didn't turn it off at night, or ever. He loved her, she knew that. He had told her to her face and with his eyes open at her eyes and she believed him. So, she never allowed herself to miss an opportunity to hear those words over again. As such, she left it as it was. And she hoped this connection to another day and time, this endurance of distance and that which does not wash away might someday again soon awake her from dreams about skeletons.

empty is a feeling
i'm getting used to
i sit and stare at empty couches
slide inside my empty bed
and reach for empty cups
and I know how they feel.

sometimes, I can't even fall asleep
and I pretend it's all okay
like climbing up a mountain where the walls are steep
my heart weighs more than I can say

sometimes, I just lay in my bed
and try to feel the way you feel
I lie around till I remember what you said
your empty side feels so surreal

I'm not used to this
I just want, want one kiss
will I see you again baby?
please give me more than maybe

sometimes, looking at your picture makes me cry
I miss everything we're missing
so I look for your face up in the sky
to keep me sane I'm reminiscing

sometimes, your voice says things to mine
pinch myself if it's a dream
I find me, then you and draw the line
I'll make you closer than you seem

I'm not used to this
I just want, want one kiss
will I see you again baby?
please give me more than maybe

sometimes, I can't even fall asleep
and I pretend it's all ok

i keep looking at your picture
at your smiling face, and how happy you look
how happy we look, together

my mind takes me places i shouldn't go
taunts me with free trips
that cost me millions in emotions
but i go anyway in hopes
i'll see that smiling face

or better yet, feel your hands
touch your face
breathe your breath
absorb your skin
and drown in your eyes

and i look up at the stars
no, no, no, no
looking for your eyes in them
remembering its daytime where you are
and hoping, like i do
that you'll see my eyes
when the stars come out there
and remember what i feel like

these crisp summer nights flood me
with thoughts and dreams but
anxious memories
a mix of complete peace
and tormenting reminiscence

bring back what's in my picture
that i look at everyday
just let me touch you, hold you
just for a moment
feed my lust and addiction briefly
won't you? can't you?

what is it about these nights
that make my loneliness so vivid
so undisguisable, so apparent
that the only way to quell it
is to release the tears
that i've held on to so tightly

maybe this feeling
this overwhelmingly sinking feeling
is the product of two minds
coming together in one moment
one time lapsed, synchronous moment
thinking of you
thinking of me

show me the soul of your mystery
uncloak the honest truth
reveal that which i cannot see
but can feel and taste in youth
you know me somehow, somewhere
plain but rarely shown
we avoid because we cannot touch
or grasp or have to own
awake with faith and happenstance
search with newer eyes
i'll find you in the in between
amidst the fiction and the guise

the smell of the rain on the pavement
is abrasive and affectionate
and accompanies memories
from deep within
that make me want to close my eyes
tight enough to will tears
and hold my breath
stand too long in stillness
so not a drop of it will escape
it is a kind of attack
that leaves me breathless
and speechless
and strengthless
and i feel everything
absorb everything
until it is so much a part of me
that if you cut me i would bleed the rain

keep on dancing through my head
i like it when you're here
run in circles 'round my dreams
don't wander far from near
draw me as circles in your soul
because you make mine true
fall asleep with smiles on my lips
kissed awake with smiles too

what is it about the night
that makes me want you here?
is it the cover of darkness?
the knowledge that all we have
is nothing we can see?
what is it about the night
that belongs to it alone?
that breaks us into tiny pieces
as morning whispers dawn
or the sun lights the day
what is it about the night
that brings contentment to my mind?
that caresses my soul in peace
and sends all my demons
to a dark and quiet place

are my eyes still grey
when they are full of tears?
is my heart still whole
when you walk away?
will my ears still hear
when the music's gone
will I ever yearn
for what was once so near?

someone told you
how we met was meant to be
someone told you i was pretty
and i lost the words to say a thing
someone told you
it made sense
that we were put here for a reason
someone told you
that i'd show you a little light
someone knows me
but I know you
yet she knows that
there's always finer meanings
and lines to read between
she knows that you're to teach me
and that I'm to learn from you

There is no forgiveness in this morning
It's beyond what my cold body
Is willing to compensate for
So piercing is the wet wind
That finds its way into
The tiny cracks of the scarf around my neck
Cooling me from top to bottom
In an overwhelming chill
So I wrap tighter, close the cracks
And think of your face as the sun
And you warm me, to the core
Pulling all that is safe towards me
I smell you in my shawl
And pull it closer to my face
So that it touches, like your palm
Mustering the strength to absorb
Every bit of you out of it
Until every drop has touched my skin
And seeped into my pores
And spread through me like fire
That takes away the cold
Of this unforgiving morning

the sun has set on your time here
but don't worry
i'll see you when the stars come out
they say it's your time to leave
but don't worry
i won't let you leave alone
i know you might be scared now
but don't worry
i'll hold your hand till you feel safe
i know that you can't hear me
but don't worry
i'll speak my thanks outloud
i know that you feel far away
but don't worry
in your heart i'm close to you

l love you Aunt Dot, I'll miss you

inside out
and off balance
left of where it feels right
filling up the days
with empty plates
and leaking eyes, closed tight

i'm fast awake
and falling
loneliness i've made in tow
I have to wash away
what I've made so dark blue and gray
don't know

all i want is anything
and time to get back on my feet
to put my past ahead of me
move on from what it used to mean

i saw those things
i knew once
pictures falling off the paint
sinking hard like stones
they're leaving frames as mindful bones,
remain

holding hands
that fall apart
letting love fall where it lands
hearing words you said
it feels like fate you spoke instead
can't stand

all i want is anything
and time to get back on my feet
to put my past ahead of me
move on from what it used to mean

when you close your eyes
is it dark enough
to see what comes as dreams?
when you believe out loud
do you belong enough
to feel more than it seems
when you stand up straight
are you free enough
to say what says your heart?
when you feel like God
are you alive enough
to accept what falls apart?

i woke up
on the wrong side of the bed
and now i feel strange
like everything
across the midline
of my sheets and dreams
is like crossing
into a world that spins
a different way

there's a moment sometimes
when you can walk outside
and in one unadulterated instance
you can sense Heaven
when the clouds light up
like mirrors reflecting
all things good off of the earth
when the wind both cools and warms
and cradles you in comfort
it seeps into your nostrils
and buries deep in your skin
it whispers melodies in your ear
covers you in a deep feeling of peace
and all burdens once carried
shed off like falling leaves
it is in this moment
before life resumes in chaos
that you truly feel alive

the palm reader

hands speak openly
drawing lines across the life
a finer balance 'tween the fingers
tells of happiness or strife
subtle changes live in creases
their truth within the skin
simple lines that show the future
meanings form where they begin
lengths of fingers mask a power
beyond all one's control
placed firmly in the slight of hand
as a sight into the soul
marking strength or faith or bliss
uniting souls through palmers' kiss

sitting all awkward, but we're calm as can be
it's like after all this time, it's still you and me
your eyes are avoiding, my eyes hold strong
nothing happened, but I still think we're wrong
the silence is griping, but releases its hold
there's nothing to protect my warmth from the cold
so this path i have chosen, I'll walk alone
i hope in my travels, I'll find a home

She saw a movie by herself for the first time on a cloudy, humid afternoon in a plush theatre. The kind of theatre that advertised popcorn with bright red lights and where cellular phones rang catchy tunes despite the clever shorts that sarcastically asked them to please silence them. She snuck a drink in from the restaurant across the street because she didn't want soda. She chose a seat, in the middle of a row. People meandered in slowly after her. One man was even bold enough to take a seat just one away from hers in her otherwise empty row. How odd for someone to encroach so purposefully on someone who is obviously alone, she thought. She tried to act like she wasn't perturbed by his presence and adjusted in her seat. Since when did they start showing common commercials in movie theatres, she wondered? There were more people in the theatre than she thought there would be on a Saturday afternoon. Honestly, she'd hoped to be quite alone on this adventure. She'd woken up alone. She had folded the blankets neatly and left a note thanking her friends for the letting her fall asleep on their couch for the night. Home was the last place she had wanted to be.

he stands alone, takes sips of beer
as the sun, the sun begins to fade
he watches it intently
sees the stones begin to crumble
and wonders if she really meant those words she said
'cause he fails to understand it
he struggles inside to read her
so he silently seeks answers in the waves

to her it all seems normal
water from a bottle
as she picks apart her bread
she watches him in wonder
not knowing what she needs
convinced he's not the one, at least not now
she doesn't know they'll hurt her
down the road, another life
maybe someday she'll realize
it's his face she sees in the waves

there's no such thing as answers
to the questions in his heart
it's never black and white
and he can't break it apart
so he walks alone, and looks down the road
and wonders
if she'd ever change her mind
but he sees her there, and he knows she won't
she won't
have a change of heart